All of My Life, In Every Season, You are Still God, I Have a Reason to Worship

I was baptized Catholic when I was a baby, but I am not Catholic. I do however benefit from one of the most awesome things they celebrate...God Parents. I grew up Baptist, but I am not Baptist. I attend a Wesleyan Church, but I don't know that I am Wesleyan. But, I do know that I am a child of God beautifully and wonderfully made...by him...for his purpose...and no matter what church I go to(or don't go to) what traditions I practice(or don't practice), will not change that.


I also know that my relationship with God has to be my own. I grew up in the South, so it wasn't if you go to church, but where. It was a given that I was going to believe in God. Gregg saw a truck with a customized license plate that said "Atheist" the other day and it got me thinking. First, I don't really understand why people even buy personalized plates. Second, I wondered how much you have to be against something that you actually don't believe exists to go and fill out a form to get a customized plate for the whole world to see that you don't believe in God who apparently doesn't exist anyway. Seems like you wouldn't give it another thought since God doesn't actually exist. But, it seems like even the Atheists spend a lot of time talking about God. Hmmm....just things that bounce around in my head.



We will take our children to church, teach them about God, pray for and with them. But, in the end, it has to be a decision that each of them make. To believe or not. They cannot borrow our faith forever. It will have to transition into a relationship that each of them work at and claim as their own. I am sad to say, that I didn't really have my own faith until I was already married several years. Yes, I believed in God and went through the motions. I didn't have any real God moments to call my own. When did he really answer my prayers, big prayers, fall on your face and cry out to God prayers. I didn't have a dependence on him like I do now. I also know that most of my God moments didn't happen inside the walls of the church. I have thought about writing about this for several days now…is it too much? What will people think? Do I want my kids(or you who is reading this) to know about my fears and struggles? But, I keep coming to the same conclusion. Yes. I want my kids to know that it wasn’t easy, but we made it. I want them to have answers to Why do you believe in God, Mommy. How did you and Daddy stay married all these years? Also, if letting someone else into part of our lives for God’s glory, then bring it on.

So, after praying about this…I am going to open up a little.

My Big God moments went something like this....

October 2004: My biggest God moment came on the couch of the marriage counselor. Our marriage was over and only God could have restored the broken pieces. I remember praying, God, please find a way, when their seems to be no way. God placed Susan Cole in my life and she was my rock during the worst year of my life. She challenged me, spoke truth, and prayed like no one else could to help us not give up. I thank God everyday that Gregg and I decided divorce was not an option for us. At first I wasn't sure about blogging this, but I don't want to hide this from our kids. I want them to know that we said for better or worse, but we made it. Against all odds and all the scientific numbers, with God...we made it.

Jan 2007: My next God moment came while I was laying in bed and listening to the early morning phone message that Jme's twins were born. Two tiny precious babies who science would have said would have tons of surgeries and long term effects of being born so early. Dear God, please let her babies be ok. Besides our marriage, this was one of the first times, I "really" prayed with everything I had and believed that God could do anything. 100s of people prayed for them and it still makes me choke up when I think about how they are both perfect and living miracles. God has big plans for those sweet sweet "big" kids.

2007: My next God moment came at the hospital a week before Christian was due, when my mom was having a hysterectomy. I remember sitting at the table in the food court just waiting. Does Mom have Cancer? Or not? Please God, do not let my mom have Cancer the week before my baby is due. They said if the surgery took a long time, it wasn't good news. It took 4 hours...4 hours of me trying to make a deal with God. Please do not let my mom die before she is a Grandma...selfishly...I need her. I want her to be ok. Please God. Scientifically, she should have had Cancer. They took a soccer ball sized tumor out of her that was so complex no one had ever seen it. The Cancer doctor walked out and I started crying since I was the only one who knew what she looked like thinking she was coming to tell us bad news. But, she was coming to tell us that she didn't have it. She was even surprised. God wasn't. God was there with me at that moment and I am so thankful that she did not have Cancer. Pastor Chris and Lisa Huff were there with us, not because they had to be because it was his job, but because they cared about us and knew how to love us when we weren't sure what we needed. God once again placed the right people in our lives at the right time.

2007: Two weeks later my next God moment came in the Ford Explorer on the way home from Gwinnett Hospital. The 10 day wait. Christian is living with us, but he is still legally theirs. Please God...let this baby be ours. Please do not let them change their mind. Please do not let that phone ring. We already love him. He feels like ours. Please God, I will do anything to be his Mom. I know that science says that I shouldn't be a mom, but God you can make me a Mom. And then 10 days later, I became a Mom.

Feb 2008: My next God moment came in the bathroom right after I saw the double pink line. God, really? What are you doing? Ok...I trust you, I mean, I guess. A baby? I don't need a baby...I have one, thank you very much. God was proving science wrong again. He chooses life and for that I am forever grateful for the child I longed for.

July 2009: My next God moment came in the garage as I was trying(but I couldn't talk, I was crying too much) to tell Matt and Jen to come and get Callie since we were rushing to Children's Healthcare with C who couldn't walk and was holding his neck. I would say that usually I do not freak out, but I knew this was something different. Dear God, please don't take my child from me, please don't let him have meningitis(since he had just gotten his shot that week and two antibiotic reactions). Please, let him be ok. Within mins, my old office was praying for him and us. They didn't even know the details, but immediately we got texts and calls to meet us at the hospital. I am privileged to be a part of something bigger that stops everything when someone is in need. I know God heard those prayers and after several hours, he could walk again. I can't imagine having kids without this kind of support system.

Oct 2009: My next God moment came during Callie's delivery. Codes over the loud speaker, convulsions, and the look on Gregg's face that said...this isn't good at all. Dear God, please don't let me die and not let me see my daughter. Please don't make Gregg a single parent. The kids need us both, please God, let Callie and me both be ok. And then as if the light switch had been turned on, God calmed everything...the doctors, me, our parents, Gregg, and Miss Callie was just fine. A little sassy, but just fine.

Jan 2010: My next God moment came during my last mammogram. This is my 4th mammogram in 3 years, the lady points out, then looks at my age, and then says...you are too young to have had 4 mammograms. Yes ma'am, I know. She shows me to my room to change. I am the only person there today for some reason. I guess God wanted me to be alone with my thoughts...thoughts that I didn't want to be thinking. I look around the room, it is brand new, smells nice, warm robes, current O magazines on the table, drinks and snacks, your own locker and a key to put on your wrist. I open the O magazine and of course it falls to an article about mammograms. Really God, really? Something about how you have to have new machines or something like that since the old mamo machines don't work. Mental note, ask if they have the new machines....check...they do have the new machines. New or not, those machines are not for wimps. I tried to lower my expectations that I wouldn't have to have the ultrasound. But, of course, I did. Then I thought, it will be good if the doctor doesn't have to come in. But, the tech got that look on her face, that says...I see something on the screen and I am trying not to make a face, so you won't notice. But, of course I noticed, and then she says...the doctor will come and talk to you about it. Why can't you talk to me about it is what I am thinking. So, she leaves the room for what seems like an eternity, and comes back with Mr. Doctor. He redoes the ultrasound with lots of hmm...and ahhh...I see...WHAT DO YOU SEE PEOPLE? So, two hours later and 2 ultrasounds later, I have to have a lump looked at. Looked at...what does that mean exactly? I am not sure. I am trying not to make ridiculous deals with God that I can never live up to and trust him completely. Whatever it is or isn't, he knows and he also knows that I can handle it. He also knows that he has put me in an amazing women's small group. During my appointment, they were texting me, emailing me, praying for me, offered to go with me, watching Callie etc. When the appointment took longer, they were calling and wanting to know how I was. They don't just leave messages; they keep calling back just to hear the story from you. They don't take "I am alright" for an answer and are the first ones to dig through some of my thick skin. I am glad to know that God loves me enough to know that no matter what I go through, he puts the right people in your life.

These are just some of the reasons why I believe in God.

God whatever you have in store for my life...I trust you completely.